Ask Your Loved Ones What They Want
The holiday season is right around the corner, and you have likely been shopping for the
perfect gifts for your loved ones. You may have been wandering through crowded
stores, scrolling through online marketplaces, or replaying conversations you have had
with your loved ones over the past few months, trying to recall subtle hints they may
have given.
What if you just ask them what they want? Wouldn't you want to know that your gift truly
fits rather than guessing? Sometimes a simple question can save you from giving
something they do not want or will not use.
Estate planning can be thought of as gift-giving on a bigger, more enduring scale. But
unlike a holiday gift that can be returned or exchanged, the "gifts" of an estate plan carry
emotional weight and often touch on sensitive family dynamics that demand more indepth
conversation.
When you assume that you know your loved ones' preferences or avoid the hard
conversation altogether, the result is not just disappointment - it is often confusion,
conflict, and resentment that can outlast the possessions themselves.
Many Families Have Not Had "the Talk"
Younger generations are increasingly open about sharing what gifts they actually want.
This trend can be seen in the growth of online wishlists and digital registries that can
help families simplify gifting, avoid awkward situations when someone receives an
unwanted gift, reduce waste and "gift anxiety," and turn gift-giving into a transparent,
more personalized experience that strengthens family bonds.
While digital wishlists like those on Amazon, Giftster, MyRegistry, and Elfster are more
popular with younger Americans, they reflect bigger cultural trends around authenticity,
intentionality, and transparency. We are now encouraged to be more open and share
our whole self in both our personal and professional lives to foster greater trust and
connection.
Unfortunately, however, the trend toward greater openness in gift-giving has not made
its way into the estate planning world. According to a 2024 survey, only about a quarter
of parents have had generational wealth discussions with their children.1
This lack of openness has created a growing disconnect between what younger
generations expect to inherit and what their parents actually plan to leave. According to
a 2025 survey by Northwestern Mutual, there is a growing mismatch between
generations regarding inheritance expectations. More than half of younger adults - Gen
Z and millennials - say they are relying on financial help or future inheritances from their
baby boomer parents. Yet only about one in five boomers plans to leave a significant
inheritance.2
Why Communication Matters
Having "the Talk" before "the Transfer" is critical to reducing conflict and uncertainty. And
with people living longer, the wealth transfer talk should not be a one-time event; it
should be an ongoing conversation as life inevitably evolves.
A few key findings highlight why these conversations matter:
- Nearly half of younger Americans expecting an inheritance have not discussed it with
the person leaving it to them.3
- Disputes often arise from personal property such as jewelry or heirlooms. Research
shows that these personal and often highly sentimental items can cause more fights
than money does.4 After all, a retirement account can be divided, but a family
heirloom cannot.
This is why it is so important for you to have these discussions with your loved ones
while you can. Not only will they be better able to understand your wishes, you will also
have an opportunity to learn who values certain personal property items most so you can
make thoughtful, intentional choices ahead of time and prevent disputes later.
How to Take the Guesswork Out of Gifts
Open communication about your estate plan is a gift that lasts far beyond the holiday
season. If you can simplify holiday shopping with a wishlist, you can simplify estate
planning by making your intentions clear and easy for loved ones to follow.
Here is how to put this into action:
- Use a personal property memorandum. Most states recognize an estate planning
tool known as a personal property memorandum. This standalone document lets you
specify who will receive specific tangible items you own, such as jewelry, artwork, or
collectibles. You can complete this document from the comfort of your home and
update it anytime without revising your entire estate plan or meeting with your
attorney. By clearly documenting your intentions, you help prevent confusion and
conflict among your loved ones.
- Clarify the role of digital tools. Digital wishlists, shared spreadsheets, and
collaborative platforms can help organize personal property preferences and spark
family conversations. However, these tools are not legally binding and can even
create confusion if they conflict with your signed estate planning documents. To
avoid misunderstandings, ensure that any digital lists are consistent with - and
ultimately reflected in - a signed and dated personal property memorandum that is
incorporated into your will or trust. The value of these lists is in facilitating
conversation and organization.
- Have early and ongoing conversations. Combine legal tools with open dialogue to
reduce later misunderstandings and conflicts.
Giving Loved Ones What They Want (and Need)
Guesswork leads to stress, both around the holidays and in estate planning. There is no
shame in asking people what they want. Silence about an estate plan can be just as
damaging as having no plan. Honesty is not always comfortable, but it can avoid a more
unpleasant surprise down the road.
For guidance on how to turn assumptions into certainty, reach out to us for help.
MEREDITH | PC
4325 Windsor Centre Trail
Suite 400
Flower Mound Texas 75028
214-513-1013
This newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be construed as written advice about a Federal tax matter. Readers should consult with their own professional Counselors to evaluate or pursue tax, accounting, financial, or legal planning strategies.
You have received this newsletter because I believe you will find its content valuable. Please feel free to Contact Me if you have any questions about this or any matters relating to estate planning.
